Why Do We Get the Holiday Blues, and What Can We Do About It?
Read Time: 10 minutes
Ah, the holidays. The season of twinkly lights, pumpkin-spice-peppermint-everything, and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas.” It’s the time when every reel insists you should be laughing with friends and family by a fireplace while wearing matching pajamas. The season where gift lists are made, calendars are booked, and vacations are planned. And while for some teens and young adults this time of year feels magical, for others it feels, well, exactly the opposite.
If you’ve ever felt downright depressed, left out, or just off during the holidays, let me tell you now, you’re not alone. Those so-called holiday blues are real, and they can hit even the most festive among us. So, why do the holidays sometimes make us feel gloomy, and more importantly, what can we do to make the season a little brighter?
The Holiday Hype Trap
Let’s start with the obvious: expectations.
From November through January, we’re flooded with images of joy, togetherness, and love. Movies, shows, and social media all tell us the same thing–that the holiday season should be full of joy, happiness, and love. We’re told that we're supposed to have a friend group that feels like a Hallmark movie cast, a loving family that, god-forbid, never argues, and a cozy, beautiful home glowing with warmth and decorations.
But real life? Well, real life is messier.
Maybe your family is split, and the holidays feel like a logistical marathon. Maybe you’re stuck cramming for finals or putting in extra hours at work instead of baking cheerful holiday treats. Or maybe, just maybe, you just don’t feel that connected with the people around you, and the contrast between what you think you should be feeling and what you actually feel makes it even worse.
Why does this happen?
Our brains love comparisons, especially when we’re scrolling through social media. Seeing everyone else’s “perfect” moments can make your very normal, human experiences feel inadequate. The more pressure we feel to be happy, the harder it actually becomes to feel happy. (Just great, right?)
What can we do about it?
Try lowering the bar. Seriously. The holidays don’t have to be “the most wonderful time of the year.” They can just be. Decide what moments matter to you. Do you like watching your favorite movie, walking through a light display, or just drinking a warm beverage in peace? Whatever it is, make your own definition of holiday joy, not society’s.
Psst...by the way…
HOLIDAY BLUES GETTING THE BEST OF YOU?
WE’RE HERE FOR YOU!
The Myth of “Togetherness”
The holidays are portrayed as a time of connection. But that messaging can sting if you’re struggling with loneliness, regardless of whether it’s a breakup, a big move, or a fallout with friends and family. Even if you are around people, loneliness doesn’t always mean being alone. Sometimes it’s about feeling unseen or misunderstood, even in a crowded room.
Why does this happen?
Loneliness is more about quality than quantity. Teens and young adults are no strangers to loneliness. You often face transitions, like starting college, leaving home, or navigating identity, and those shifts can make you feel like you’ve lost your place. You can be surrounded by people who love you and still feel as if no one truly understands.
And during the holidays, when everyone else seems so connected, that disconnect can feel even more painful.
What can we do about it?
Start by naming it. Acknowledging that we feel lonely doesn’t make us weak; it makes us self-aware. From there, we can take small steps towards feeling more connected. We can reach out to a friend, say yes to low-pressure hangouts, or simply get out of the house. Connection looks different for everyone. It can be something like talking to your therapist, bonding over memes in a group chat, or even spending time in nature.
Forced Family Time
You knew we couldn’t write this article without really talking about family, didn’t you? And it’s not really the holidays without being asked painfully personal and ever so rude questions from totally well-meaning family members, right? (Does this drip with enough sarcasm?)
Family gatherings, more often than not, bring up old roles, unresolved conflicts, or uncomfortable dynamics. Even in loving families, spending lots of time together in close quarters can be, well, a lot.
Why does this happen?
When we return to our family homes or traditions, it can trigger old memories, emotions, or expectations. You might find yourself slipping back into the role you played as a younger version of yourself. That might be something like “the responsible one,” “the quiet one,” or “the one who keeps the peace.” Being forced into that emotional regression can be exhausting and trigger a tremendous amount of anxiety, pre- and post-holidays.
What can we do about it?
Set boundaries before you need them. You can plan your exit from tense conversations (“You know what, I think mom needs me in the kitchen” or “Let’s talk about something else; I’m not comfortable talking about that now”) or carve out alone time when you need to recharge.
Alternatively, find ways to create your own traditions. Host a meal with friends, plan a cozy movie night for yourself, or go for a winter stroll. Family can be chosen by you. And a family chosen by you should make you feel loved.
Holiday Blues Meet Seasonal Slump
Last but not least, it’s important to remember that between shorter days, colder weather, and a packed schedule, it’s much easier to feel drained during the winter months. You’re already juggling school, work, and social pressures–throw in disrupted sleep, less sunlight, and gloomier days, and boom, instant overwhelm.
Why does this happen?
Your body and brain respond to seasonal changes. Less sunlight can lower serotonin levels (the “feel-good” chemical), which can contribute to fatigue or sadness. Add stress and overstimulation from the holiday chaos, and your emotional bandwidth shrinks fast. (Hello, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)).
What can we do about it?
Again, make things easier for yourself. You don’t need to say yes to every invitation or holiday task. Protect. Your. Downtime. And don’t underestimate the power of basics: sleep, hydration, and actual meals (sometimes cookies count!).
Therapy for Young People Battling Seasonal Depression and Holiday Blues in Colorado
The holidays can stir up big feelings: joy, nostalgia, loneliness, and yes, even grief. And all of those feelings belong. You don’t need to fake happiness or have it all together to be worthy of a meaningful season.
So this year, ditch the pressure to be merry and instead aim for real. Real connection, real rest, and real self-compassion. You deserve it, so “gift” that to yourself.
If the holiday blues are feeling heavier than you can handle, that’s what we’re here for. At Interfaith Bridge Counseling, we help teens and young adults across Colorado find balance, healing, and hope through every season. Reach out today.
About Our Author | Lena McCain MA, LPC. 0017723
Lena McCain is our Founder here at Interfaith Bridge Counseling, where she continues her support as our Clinical Director. She also holds a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health: Mindfulness-Based Transpersonal Counseling Psychology from Naropa University.
Lena’s drive and passions lie in the realm of community building and youth collaboration, which she has spent the last 12 years studying with an emphasis on one’s exploration of personal growth, community healing, and multicultural values. Lena’s expertise in these areas and the therapeutic field acts as a reminder to our community, teens, and young adults that they are not alone in their experience of life.
