What "Work" Is Your Therapist Doing and What "Work" Should You Be Doing

Read Time: 12 minutes

First things first: therapy isn’t exactly what it looks like on TV. It’s not a quick one or two sessions, then *poof* your depression is gone and life seems so much better. And while we all like to vent, it’s not just venting (and in the same breath, it’s not just validating your feelings and experiences). I mean, don’t get us wrong, that would be nice, but therapy is a little more than that in reality.

Think of therapy as a collaboration. And while as therapists we’re trained in all sorts of helpful things like coping skills, emotional regulation strategies, trauma processing, and how to hold awkward silences (seriously, it’s a skill), we can’t do all the work for you. Nor should we as therapists just sit back and listen.

We’ll break down what your therapist should be doing behind the scenes (and during your sessions), and what “work” you should be doing between appointments to get the most out of therapy.

What “Work” Is Your Therapist Doing?

We get it. It might look like your therapist just sits there nodding and saying “Tell me more about that,” or “Where do you feel that in your body?” but trust us–a lot is happening under the hood. Here’s what your therapist is really doing:

1. Creating a Safer Space

Therapists work hard to build a space where you can be your full, authentic, messy self without judgment. A good therapist is paying attention to your body language, tone, and comfort level and adjusting how they respond to keep you feeling as safe and comfortable as possible. 

2. Tracking Patterns

You might say one thing in week two and something totally contradictory in week six. And guess what? That’s normal–life is complicated! As therapists, it’s our job to keep track of these patterns and fluctuations, and to gently help you connect the dots you may not have recognized yourself. In other words, therapists are trained to spot patterns in your thoughts, behaviors, and relationships, even when you can't.

3. Offering Tools, Not Just Advice

Therapists don’t just tell you what to do (and if they do, it may be time to switch therapists). Instead, they offer tools: cognitive-behavioral strategies, grounding techniques, communication skills, and more. But these tools are only helpful if you actually use them (more on that later).

4. Regulating the Emotional Tempo

Ever had a session where things got intense, fast? That’s not by chance. Your therapist is tuning into your emotional window of tolerance, knowing when to gently push you to explore deep stuff, while also knowing when to pause or slow things down. 

5. Planning Behind the Scenes

Good therapists don’t just wing it. They’re often thinking about your goals, progress, obstacles, and which techniques or interventions might be helpful for your specific situation. You might just see them take a few notes, but behind that notebook or screen is a carefully considered pathway towards helping you.emotional experiences.

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Psst...by the way…

WONDERING WHAT OUR THERAPY LOOKS LIKE?

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What “Work” Should You Be Doing?

Now let’s talk about you, the real star of this process. Because here’s the truth: the 50-ish minutes you spend in therapy each week is just the beginning. What you do between sessions often determines how much you grow.

Here’s the “homework” every therapist wishes their clients were doing (and will probably recommend if they haven’t already):

1. Reflecting

After a session, spend some time thinking about what came up (even if you just want to be done with feeling all the feelings). You can write in a journal, record voice notes, or just sit and let it all marinate. Giving yourself time to reflect helps deepen your insight and gives you more to work with next time. After your session, ask yourself: What stuck with me most? Was there anything I avoided or brushed off? Did I learn something new about myself?

2. Trying Out the Tools

Remember those tools your therapist mentioned? (You know, like setting boundaries or using deep breathing when you’re spiraling at 2 AM?) Try them. Even if they feel awkward or you’re not sure they’ll work. Practicing them outside of sessions is where real change starts to happen. Remember, big changes start small. For example, try a grounding technique during a minor stressful moment, not during your biggest panic attack. Build that muscle gradually.

3. Tracking Your Moods and Behaviors

You don’t need a fancy app (though there are some great ones), but jotting down how you’re feeling each day and what’s affecting your mood can be super helpful. You’ll start to notice patterns and have a better idea of how to answer the question, “So, how was this last week?” 

4. Noticing Your Resistance

Sometimes therapy brings up things you don’t want to talk about. Maybe your therapist asks a question that makes your stomach drop or your legs bounce. Take this as a sign of growth and a chance to get curious. Ask yourself things like Why did that bug me? What am I afraid of here?

Note: It’s absolutely ok to say, “I didn’t like that question” or “I’m not ready to go there yet.” Your therapist can work with that (and should respect it). It’s all part of the journey.

5. Being Honest (Even When You Feel Uncomfortable About It)

This one’s the most important. Therapy is your space. You don’t need to perform, be the “good client,” or try to impress your therapist with your insight (though if you drop a perfectly timed joke, we’re not mad about it). Be honest about what’s working, what’s not, and how you’re feeling about therapy itself.

You’re Not Doing Therapy Wrong

If you’re reading this and thinking Oh no, I’m not doing enough, take a deep breath. Therapy isn’t about perfection. You don’t need to ace your mental health homework to get something out of it. But the more intentional you are, the more powerful therapy becomes.

Know that the “work” can look different week to week. Some weeks, your job is to survive and just show up. That is the work. Other times, you’ll have the energy and clarity to reflect deeply or try a new tool. That’s the ebb and flow.

TL;DR: Therapy = Team Effort

Therapy for Teens & Young Adults in Denver, CO & Throughout Colorado

As therapists, we’re doing a lot behind the scenes, but we need you to meet us halfway to make this really work. Reflecting, experimenting with tools, and staying honest are the real game changers when it comes to mental health.

So next time you’re in session, remember: you’re not just there to vent. And we’re not just there to nod and smile. You’re there to learn, grow, stretch, and maybe squirm a little. And we’re there to help you through it all and learn more about what really makes you you. In-between sessions? That’s your training ground.

If you’re a young adult or teen in Colorado ready to do the hard work (and even if you’re not!) reach out. You’ve got this. (And if you don’t? Talk about that in therapy. We promise, it’s part of the process.)

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About Our Author | Lena McCain MA, LPC. 0017723

Lena McCain is our Founder here at Interfaith Bridge Counseling, where she continues her support as our Clinical Director. She also holds a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Mental Health: Mindfulness-Based Transpersonal Counseling Psychology from Naropa University.

Lena’s drive and passions lie in the realm of community building and youth collaboration, which she has spent the last 12 years studying with an emphasis on one’s exploration of personal growth, community healing, and multicultural values. Lena’s expertise in these areas and the therapeutic field acts as a reminder to our community, teens, and young adults that they are not alone in their experience of life.